..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Text me some of your sweat
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
