He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
