if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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