I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
