I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
