she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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