Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
