So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
