Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
