If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
