Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
