I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
