when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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