This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
