I am in a vortex of obligation.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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