so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wear drunk well.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
