the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
