He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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