I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
