i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
