i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
