Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I want a musical about memes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
