Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
