this beer tastes like vomit already
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize