Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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