He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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