Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
