she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
