So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
