I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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