oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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