Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
