i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
