Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh god it's open bar.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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