She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
