You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
