It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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