i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize