I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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