i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
