oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
