omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
