So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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