we have officially mastered the walk of shame
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
