gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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