I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
