News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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