yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
