There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
