This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
