brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
