I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
