we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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