Reggie can tackle my bush.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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