; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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