i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
