She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
