i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
