right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
