My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize