his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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