I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need water and some morals
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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