the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
