dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize