and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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