I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize