I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
