the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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