bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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