my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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