y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
