hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize