I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
