Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When are your genitals available?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize