I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
