Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
