You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
