Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
