somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize