Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
